11.10.2008

Go Army-Be All That You Can Be


I had a recent conversation with my mom about "be all that you can be" - very Go Army style! This got me thinking - what exactly is it that I want from my life? Who do I want to be? What do I want to do? And who do I want to share my life with?

It may seem funny that at the ripe old age of 28 I am having a sudden and transitory identity crisis about who I am. Isn't this what everyone else did during college? What was I doing that I missed out on this "rite of passage" journey towards self discovery? And how come no one ever told me that college was more about self discovery than getting an A in economics? 

Granted, if one would look at the past few years of my life they would probably all agree in true life-coaching style that it is indeed time for renewal of self. A time for me to redefine my life goals, ambitions and aspirations. I am recently emerging from an extremely painful and personally challenging two years of my life. Now that I am feeling more whole - it probably is about time for me to focus on becoming a better version of my lovely self. 

People who know me on a surface level - we'll call them acquaintances - would say that I already have a good sense of self, and a healthy dose of esteem. Those closer to me - that have experienced my juvenile sense of humor - would say that the healthy dose of self esteem has been grossly underestimated as I tend to compliment myself on jobs well done, situations handled well or stand in awe at my own beauty and fabulous sense of humor! But the truth is -and only two people probably know the true me -that I have a deep seated need to be liked. I seek approval above all else. In true Leo style, I seek the spotlight of love and adoration from everyone that may wander into my circle of existence. 

If my circle of friends - although a variety of friendship depth levels - have no idea who I am at any given moment, how do I take the first steps to make the "me" that I am a better me, if I have no idea who that real me is in the first place? Sometimes I feel as if the real me changes day to day, or from one situation or experience to another. There are so many similar versions of me, that I don't know which one I want to actually BE. 

I know I want to be happy - don't we all?! But what is it that brings true happiness to my heart? Sometimes I think about the things that used to bring that happiness - like singing, or cheerleading, or a sorority house full of girls. But, those are not the things that I think would bring the same happiness at this juncture of my life. Can you imagine me happy in a sorority house full of crazy girls? No. I have a newly developed sense of privacy and anonymity that I truly love that comes with living along - sans roommates! 

So...this is my mission - to "become the best me that I can be." How I'm going to do that, I'm still not exactly sure. But, I suppose it will be quite an adventure! 

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